When communicating with your spouse, it pays to be fluent in a second language. Allow the inner geek in me to produce the “Flowchart of Misunderstanding.”
DISCLAIMER: The views and solutions expressed in this story reflect my own opinion, and not Dr. Phil’s. I do not have a degree in psychology. It’s just me and my mode of thinking here.
This story was born as a result of me making the same mistake OVER and OVER again. (And, I suspect, it’ll happen again, but here’s to hoping for less frequency.) I tend to look at life through my own “lens”, and then without thinking, assume that other people have a similar lens prescription. It takes practice to try and wear someone else’s eyewear for a few minutes.
One of the hardest things for me, in marriage, is to hear a “Yes/No” question and realize that my spouse is looking for more than a yes or no. I suspect that’s the case for a few other men. Ladies, please try to be patient as we attempt to fix this flaw.
The question posed here, “Did you see those shoes?”, is symbolic in many ways. If we aren’t willing to try and walk in our spouse’s shoes (figuratively only), we may be in for some late-night, unnecessary discussions.
You may have heard the saying “silence is golden” before. Sometimes it really can be. Other times, silence can bite you in the backside. This is a case of the latter. For those spouses who thrive on constant communication, silence may flip a switch on a train of thought that leads you a long way down the wrong track. When both parties are able to patiently clear up the miscommunication and get back on the right track, it makes for happy traveling for both parties.
I’ve conned my daughter Aly and her husband Jace to be part of a few stories. One of my favorite clips was this one above where she gave Jace a small “nudge” that knocked him off the sidewalk. I still laugh when I see this. They are a great couple who make a great team. They were good sports to lend their talents.
Aly, herself, is a very talented producer and video editor in her own right. She helped with the script of the story, and will have some original content coming out soon that I’m sure people will love to read and view. She is helping me with the second installment of “An Experiment in Words“, which seemed to strike a chord with a lot of people.
We didn’t have a lot of footage to work with for this story, so I wracked my brain (it doesn’t take much) to come up with an idea to symbolically show how we “see” things our way. I ended up re-creating an eye chart and then getting text to flip in there to draw attention to it. Ah, the things we do with little or no footage.
“Be bilingual” sort of sums this whole thing up. Regardless of who is right or wrong, and regardless of who started it, being able to speak your spouse’s “language” is just a good idea, in my opinion. Overall, this story was a fun one to try and capture. Hopefully it will help someone out there in a relationship to see the importance of learning how the other person is wired, and then make an attempt to fluently speak that language.